la banque

So my atm card expired and my bank sent me a new card only they sent it to my old address in Rouen (as you may or may not recall I have not had a proper address for about a year). Seeing as how I am now legitimate and all I went to my bank in Paris to get it sorted out.

Only turns out the only bank that is "my" bank is the branch in Rouen where I opened my account. Nevermind that the branch in Paris has exactly the same name and looks exactly the same. No, they couldn't do anything to help me. Could the bank in Rouen do something? Yes, but if they ordered a new card for me it would be sent to Rouen. Could the bank in Rouen order it and have it send to the bank in Paris? No, of course not you silly foreigner! Rouen is YOUR bank and all your dealings will be with them and them only.

Uh, could somebody please tell me why this bank has branches all over the country? What is the point of that if only to frustrate and annoy me and make me think my bank is accessible everywhere when clearly, it is not.

But ok, this is the way it works in France (I asked around, this "national" but NOT bank thing is very common) and I choose to live in France so ok, tell me what I have to do to get my card without having to travel one and a half hours by train.

Them: You can transfer your account to the branch in Paris.
Me: Ok.
Them: But it will take three days before the bank in Paris will have to power to order your card.
Me: Ok.
Them: And it will take another week to receive the card.
Me: But in Paris right?
Them: Yes.
Me: Ok.

One week and three days later I go to the bank in Paris to pick my card only... wait for it...

It's in Rouen. What??? How did that happen???? Did I or did I not just jump through all your hoops so the card would not go to Rouen.

Them: Well yes.
Me: So?
Them: The card is in Rouen m'am.
Me: Yes, I know. But WHY???
Them: I don't know why m'am but the card in is in Rouen.
Me: But... WHY???
Them: I don't know why m'am but the card in is in Rouen.

Continues on like this this for a while.

Me: [different tactic] What can you do for me?
Them: We can have it sent here from Rouen. It will take one week.
Me: Do you realize I've already been without a bank card for a week and a half? And I'm going to London this weekend.
Them: The card is in Rouen m'am.
Me: Yes I get that. Can you send it faster?
Them: Let's see, it's already the afternoon so it would have to be tomorrow (Friday) at the earliest that the card can be sent. You are not here this weekend. We're closed on Mondays. Tuesday there's a strike....

I know when I'm beat.

Them: You know m'am you can always get cash out.
Me: Good idea could you give me some cash?
Them: No, sorry we don't have cash here. But we can call the one a 10 minute walk away to tell them you are coming and to give you cash.

It was at this point that I turned around and walked away.