So a sequel of "Meet the Parents" written also on the 15 key story “beats”.
(Opening image)
So two years ago my parents went to Vietnam to attend my cousin's wedding.
It was no surprise then that when my brother got married this year my uncle came to the States to attend. What was surprising was that he:
1. Came by himself
2. For two months
(Theme is stated)
I don't really know my uncle. I had met him for the first time when I was 18 in Vietnam. I don't remember much. Just that his resemblance to my dad was striking. In some ways it's wild to meet someone for the first time and they look so similar to someone I had known my entire life.
We didn't talk much due to the age, culture, and language barrier. So here I was twenty five years later learning that I would be sharing my parents house with my uncle for one month. There was still the age, culture, and language barrier.
(Set-up)
Could you pick up your uncle from the airport, my dad asked.
Not really but nobody else could do it so I roped my husband into driving me to the airport. Beforehand I took some recent pictures of my uncle since the last time I saw him was 25 years ago.
I didn't go to early since I figured he was going to have quite the time getting through immigration, passport control, customs, etc because:
1. It was his first time traveling internationally
2. He doesn't speak any English
3. He was traveling by himself
So I took my sweet time. Didn't even blink when my husband went to the bathroom when we got to the airport. Except as he left my dad called.
Where are you????? Uncle has arrived and he can't find you!!!!!!!
Whoops.
So I blamed it on my husband saying he had to go the bathroom (true story).
Then I diverted by inquiring where uncle was. To which my dad said he would call me back because he didn't know. Husband returns from the bathroom and I tell him my uncle is here and we don't know where he is.
How'd he get through immigration, passport control, customs so fast my husband wondered aloud. It was a good question but the better question at that time was: Where is my uncle?
My dad calls me back and tells me my uncle is outside.
Outside unfortunately is a big place so I asked him to try to get more information as I went "outside" guessing that that meant he's standing on the curb of the nearest exit.
So I take a good look at the recent picture of the man I met 25 years before going out to play "Where's Waldo" in a very busy airport. As I am heading outside my dad calls me back to tell me he's right next to an exit. I go to exit and he's not there. I call my dad back. Everyone is frustrated. After a couple more back and forths turns out he's upstairs and I'm downstairs.
I go upstairs and there was a man that looked like the picture I had trying to communicate with a woman pushing a wheelchair. Turns out she's the accompanying person because he came in a wheelchair (hence getting through immigration, passport control, customs in record time).
Everyone exhausted I get uncle into the car.
Seatbelt, my husband said to me gesturing to my uncle.
Oh right. What's the word for seatbelt in Vietnamese I thought to myself.
"Seatbelt?" I say to my uncle.
I looks at me like a 60 something year man who just spent more than 21+ hours on a plane leaving Vietnam for the first time in his life and doesn't speak English would look at me.
I look back at my husband. He looks back at me expectantly.
I gesture to the seatbelt. My uncle nods and takes the seatbelt and puts his head through the "hole" of the seatbelt so that the seatbelt is wrapped around his body but not attached.
Ok then, I say, let's go.
(Catalyst)
So already staying with my parents with my husband and two kids is a tight squeeze. Now with my uncle around it was even tighter. Not only that my parents wanted me to show him around.
My parents' thinking: He's on vacation you're on vacation!
My thinking: Yes but I don't know anything about him.
To be fair my parents' health was declining. My dad had recently been told by his doctor to stop walking due to some dizzy spells. So they really couldn't take him out as much as they had planned.
Could you take him to NYC my dad asked me.
NYC? In the August heat? Ugh.
(Debate)
So I imagined two NYC scenarios, one where I took my uncle to NYC with my parents who couldn't really walk around or take my uncle to NYC without my parents and not be able to communicate with him.
I asked my parents to come and they agreed.
(Break into Act II)
So off to NYC I went with my husband, my kids, my parents, and my uncle, people between the ages of seven and eighty, of three different cultures and three different languages.
But that wasn't the hard part. The hard part was to not walk in NYC.
How to not walk in NYC plan: Uber to train station, get on train to NYC, get to hotel a 2 minute walk from train station, walk 10 minutes to the big bus tour, stay on the bus that goes in a loop. Enjoy NYC.
What actually happened: To minimize walking we got on the first coach and sat down as quickly as possible to have 7 seats together. Unfortunately when the train started moving I realized all the seats were back facing. I also realized we were in the quiet car. Riding backwards made 5 out of the 7 people sick and my uncle also had a strange habit of watching videos on his phone without headphones.
When I heard the annoncement that there were seats still available in the first car I figured I'd go first to check it out since I didn't want to lose the 7 seats we had together. When I got up though my dad told my uncle to come with causing a chain reaction of everyone getting up to go and taking all our stuff effectively giving up our 7 seats together for maybe possibly 7 seats together maybe possibly front facing or not.
So walking yes (length of the train). Throwing up, no (there were 7 seats together front facing).
The next day we got on the big bus. My plan was to get on it and stay on it while enjoying all the sites NYC had to offer. After I got on I quickly realized two things:
1. Nobody wants to sit on the bottom of the big bus but sitting at the bottom gets you on the bus (Sitting on the top makes you have to wait for the next bus or the one after that)
2. You can't really see anything from the bottom of the bus.
3. Actually despite the name of the stops you don't see the majority of the site from the bus. To see the sites you have to hop on hop off (hence the name, I guess)
4. I had paid a lot of money to sit in NYC traffic.
So when we got the Chinatown stop people expressed wanting to get off which I really couldn't blame them for so we got off.
Some people wanted to see Chinatown, some people wanted to see the Ghostbusters firehouse which was in the opposite direction and doing both would require a lot of walking.
As a compromise we went to the Ghostbusters firehouse and a long the way I pointed out any building with Chinese written on it passing it off as Chinatown.
We I finally got people on the bus again and was able to get everyone on the top of the bus I figured no one would want to get off again.
I was wrong. Why? Because the "Statue of Liberty" stop was actually Battery Park. And my uncle really wanted to see the Statue of Liberty (of course it's NYC!).
So we got off without really knowing how to see the Statue of Liberty from Battery Park so we walked in the direction the other people who got off walked in. The people started to split off and at this point we had already been walking 10 minutes. Some men approached us asking if we wanted to buy tickets to the Statue of Liberty. I declined and said we wanted to just see it. Like, could we see it from here?
It's very very small from here they told me.
I persisted so they told me where to go but again emphasized that it was very very small.
I couldn't find it. But my husband did. It was indeed very small. Not only that there also construction blocking it.
Watching my uncle take a picture of that was very sad.
Dejected we headed back. On the way there a man approached us and asked us if were interested in a boat tour to see the Statue of Liberty. I tried to get away from him as quickly as possible to get back to the big bus and call it a day but for some reason I listened to what he had to say and then all of a sudden I'm handing him my credit card and we get put on a bus to go to the boat. Impromptu!
My parents thought I was crazy. My husband reminded me my son gets seasick. My daughter starts crying. I started to have regrets but what can I do? The money is paid and we're sitting on a bus and at least not walking. Right?
No seriously I really didn't know how this was going to turn out.
Turns out it was the best thing I did. Not only do you see the Statue of Liberty really well you also see New Jersey, the NYC skyline and go under the Brooklyn Bridge all while they are blasting songs like Jay Z's "Empire State of Mind" all while sitting!
It was awesome.
Afterwards there was a bus that took us from the dock right to our hotel! Can't plan that shit.
(B-story)
Remember when you guys were little and we dropped by NYC on our way back from Boston, my dad asked me. We bought your brother a turtle.
I remember that turtle. It remember the tiny thing swimming in the tiny fish tank we had. Diving down and then coming up for air. It had an orange mark on the sides of it's head so we called him Michelangelo.
I also remember the trip to Boston and then dropping by NYC on the way home. We didn't stay the night, we could only afford the 20 euros it cost to park our car. We spent our time in Chinatown and that's when there was someone peddling turtles, gave one to my brother and when my parents gave it back he wouldn't stop crying. So we got a turtle.
Like many of my memories of trips with my family they don't fall within the travel guide mold. We never did the Statue of Liberty. My memories are of us driving around trying to find the cheapest parking and then going to Chinatown to try to find Vietnamese things.
NYC was so close yet we only went that one time. My parents were too busy working and it was too expensive. The typical immigrant story.
So I was glad when I saw how happy my parents were to see the Statue of Liberty, the symbol of welcoming immigrants into the United States. My mom even waved her goodbye.
(Fun and games)
On our last day in NYC I woke up early and headed up 8th avenue to Central Park by myself. I had about an hour before my mom/daughter/niece/wife/tour guide duties would start so I knew I wouldn't get much time in Central Park but at least I would at least see it and maybe take in NYC life on the walk there.
Oh NYC. I used to go there almost every weekend when one of the girls I back packed with moved there and her twin sister moved to northern VA. She and I would take the bus and then squish ourselves into her twin's Manhattan apartment as only people in their 20s could. I had my bachelorette party in NYC and we stayed in a fancy hotel where everyone had their own bed after my friends and I became more "established" and then dinner at Pio Pio where a girl wished me "Happy Birthday" despite my "Getting Married" tiara which goes to show you as "established" as you are Pio Pio is still the best chicken and the most fun.
As I walked other memories came back to me, of the time my sister and my now brother in law went up for NYE at Time Square and I was so cold my having waited outside in the cold for half a day that I didn't notice a random stranger had put his arm around me. And of the trip with my now husband during halloween where we did grown up things like jazz clubs and eating at Jean Georges.
When I finally reached Central Park my phone ran and everyone was hungry for breakfast so I headed back. On my way spotted a French bakery that sold a delicious looking NYC cheesecake. We had been invited to dinner that night so I decided to get it to bring back with us. As I was paying I saw in the corner of my eye the cronut.
The cronut was big a long time ago and I heard stories of people standing in line for hours to get one and even paying people to stand in line for hours to get one. And now here it was in front of me and no line! Being behind the times rocks!
It was delicious. I also bought one for my husband and handed it to him when I also handed the delicate cheesecake he would have to bring back to D.C.
(Midpoint)
That evening I unveiled the cheesecake at my niece's going off to college party (talk about feeling old). All my siblings crowded around me asking how NYC went fully understanding why I looked so exhausted. I was looking forward to relaxing when I realized that I had booked tickets to go to the top of the D.C. monument the next day. It seemed like a great idea at the time but now it just seemed, complicated. When we started debating again how to get everyone into D.C. I suddenly blurted out, "I don't want to go anymore!".
Everyone kind of left me alone after that.
(Bad guys close in)
The next morning my dad offered to stay home with my mom so we wouldn't have issues with the uber getting into D.C. to go to the top of the D.C. monument. I declined and he insisted until I realized he probably needed a break from his brother.
You see, in NYC my uncle would do things like his daily morning exercices in the hallway of the hotel and my dad was constantly reeling him in and being like "we don't do that here." He needed a break.
Unfortunately that meant I was now the new translator and he kept asking me what everything was but I lacked the vocabulary to translate things like Federal Bureau of Investigations (I just said "police"). At one point he asked me what this said:
"I do now ... in behalf of the people, receive this monument ... and declare it dedicated from this time forth to the immortal name and memory of George Washington."
To which I replied "Number one president die" in Vietnamese.
It was so bad I started to avoid him. This was also due to the fact that ever time a black bald man was in proximity to us, he would point to this person and say to me, very loudly, "Hey look, it's our uber driver!"
(All is lost)
That night, along with every other night since he arrived, he played Vietnamese music on his cellphone while waiting to have a very loud call with his family at 2am eastern time. We were not getting any sleep and it was getting critical. We tried to give him headphones but he "didn't like them."
When my uncle first came he explained to me that he'd never traveled outside of Vietnam before so he didn't know the customs and people said he was a "bad boy" but honestly he doesn't know! Aw, poor guy, I thought at the time. Now my sleep deprived self said: Bad. Boy. Let's put him down...
For everyone's benefit I arranged for my husband, my kids and I to stay with a friend for a week.
Why are you leaving? wondered my parents.
Why indeed.
(Break into Act III)
So the whole point of uncle's visit was my brother's wedding which couldn't come soon enough. As part of the wedding there was to be a traditional Vietnamese tea ceremony. Except nobody knew anything about it. My dad called it a "tea party" and showed me an email my brother had written to him that said something like "We come, there is tea on the table. We drink tea."
When I asked my sister about it she shrugged. Who even wants it? I wondered. She shrugged again. I put it out of my mind.
Until I got on a desperate visio call from my soon to be sister in law. She was with her mother and they looked relieved as if I was someone who could clear something up for them. My sister strangely bolted. They started shooting questions to me about the tea ceremony. They took a breath and looked at my expectantly.
Me: We come.
Them: Yes. [nodding]
Me: There is tea on the table.
Them: Yes, ok, ok, go on...
Me: We drink tea.
What kind of table? Round or square? Coffee or dining? What kind of tea? Black Tea? Green Tea? White Tea? Oolong Tea? Rooibos Tea???? Oh we know, Jasmine Tea right? RIGHT????
I told them I would get back to them.
So then I went and made something up.
It was based on the tea ceremony I had for my wedding except because of the presence of like, my uncle, I had to confirm the order of things based on obscure Vietnamese hierarchy rules that nobody understands or can even agree on. A shortcut is to go to the top of the hierarchy and what they say is what it is.
The next time I saw my dad was breakfast so I confirm some things and wrote it down on a napkin. I thought I was home free when my mom said "Can you buy seven ties?"
No problem, I thought, because of amazon. Unfortunately nothing good on amazon would come in time so I ended up having to go to the mall.
As I'm going from department store to department store trying to find seven same non ugly ties I wonder to myself how I went from waiting for my invitation to the "tea party" to planning the whole thing and procuring supplies for it. On my way to Norstrom I ran into my sister who was also at the mall picking up tea ceremony earrings for the bride. I felt a little better.
My brother had rented cabins for everyone for his wedding and the tea ceremony was suppose to be in the bride's side's cabin but after my sister saw my plan scrawled out on a napkin (is that coffee stain?) she took things into her own hands purely for efficiency sake. We called the bride's side and said everything would be taken care of, they just had to come over for a rehearsal at noon the next day.
The next day my sister had to go pick up food so she gave me her notebook and told me to do the rehearsal. Where's my napkin? I wondered as people started arriving and looking at me expectantly like I knew what I was doing.
So I look through her notebook and go through it and I get to the gift section when the mother of the bride says, "When do we give our presents to the couple?"
You have presents for the couple? I've never seen that but sure! Let me pencil you in! And I modify my sister's plan with notes written in bad handwriting even I can't read. I made a mental note to go through with my sister the changes as she was the one that would be mc-ing.
I put on my ao dai and welcomed the guests. The bride came in a beautiful blue ao dai (traditionally the wedding ao dai is red) and a white headpiece (white on your head is normally reserved for funerals in the Buddhist tradition). My sister and her kids wrote a poem and read it to the couple Van Trapp family style when they gave their gift. Since they did this, my family put in a last minute French bisous when offering our present.
My uncle watched this "traditional tea ceremony" looking confused.
Don't blame him.
(Finale)
When he had first arrived my uncle bought with him a rather large package. It was my brother's wedding present. Whatever it was I surmised it must have been of great value, since my uncle treated this package with great care and would be visibly unwell if he lost sight of it. Relief would only come to him if he personally inspected it and deemed it to be in good condition.
At the tea ceremony he proudly presented it to my brother. Inside was a color portrait of my brother and his bride, made out of grains of uncooked rice.
