cucumbersone

So the other day I went to pick up a cucumber from our local grocery.  When I got to the counter the cashier informed me, in an annoyed manner that I need to weigh my purchase to know the price so he could ring me up.  Oh, I said, in my best polite French used to handle disputes in order to assert oneself without insult. Monsieur, is it not indicated that the cucumbers are sold by the piece?

Madame, this is a zucchini he informed me the irritation in his voice growing.

Really, I said as we both stared at the long cylindrical green vegetable that laid on the counter between us.  It’s strange as it was in the basket marked “cucumbers” I remarked.

I can’t say were you go it but this is a zucchini, he replied as to suggest my entire story was suspect due to my inability to distinguish the fine nuances between a cucumber and a zucchini.  

Defeated I went back only to find the basket full of long cylindrical green vegetables that look exactly like the one in question.

Exasperated and ready to move on with my life I picked up a sample set and returned to the cashier.

They are all the same, I informed the cashier.  

Then they are all zucchinis, he informed me. 

At this point I was ready to buy any long cylindrical green vegetable whether it be a widely cultivated plant in the gourd family Cucurbitaceae or a summer squash that belongs to the species Cucurbita pepo.

Ready to concede I opened my mouth only to be interrupted.  

That, madame, monsieur is a cucumber! proclaimed someone behind me.  

Complicated dissecting of the long cylindrical green vegetable in question ensued in which I could not partake due to lack of French vegetable related vocabulary.   

In the end it was concluded that the vegetable in question was in fact a cucumber.   I paid and left. 

Cucumber in hand, I got back to the apartment and opened a glass of wine reflecting on how only in France could buying vegetables be such an exhausting experience.  

That night husband and I had the following conversation:

Me:  What's for dinner.
Husband:  [looks in fridge]  How about chicken and zucchini.
Me: ...
Husband:  What?