my hat

So I lost my beanie the other day. I know this doesn’t seem like a big deal for she who loses things but that’s precisely why it’s kind of a big deal. Until last week I somehow managed to not lose this particular beanie for ten years.

I bought this beanie when I was a freshman in University. My college roommate and I each purchased the same style (but different color) matching beanies and scarves from The Gap. I had, of course, long ago lost the accompanying scarf.

It’s a bit of a mystery why I hadn’t characteristically lost the beanie earlier. It has all the characteristics of something I would lose. It’s small, something I often take on and off, and not a permanently attached to my body. Among the list of countless sunglasses, wallets, backpacks, scarves, gloves, and other hats I have lost over the years this beanie managed to elude my absentmindedness and remained within my possession for ten years.

It was with me all throughout University life as I crossed the windy drill field of campus during the winter months of Blacksburg, Virginia. It kept my head warm while I learned to toe in snowboarding and while I laid in my bed freezing when the timer on my heater would go off at night during Hokkaido’s six months of brutal winter. And it remained in my purse, still unlost and at my disposal in case of a hail storm during Normandy’s fickle spring when it had been sunny and warm earlier in the day.

About a month ago I saw a recent picture of myself wearing the beanie and had to admit in a moment of reflection that it was old, had lost most of its shape and was probably ill-suited for chic French society. I decided that, after ten years, it was probably time for a new.

And then last week when I was getting ready to go out on a particularly chilly spring morning, I couldn’t find my beanie to keep my head warm. I searched in all the likely places I usually throw it; in my purse, in the laundry hamper, in my closet. After I couldn’t find my beanie in those places I searched the unlikely places; under my bed, in my drawers, in my laptop case. And when I didn’t find it, I just knew. After all these years I had finally managed to lose it. And it made me sad.

And emotion inspires poetry.

Oh hat,
Where are you at?
I had you ten years long
And now you’re gone
Your absence felt instead
Mostly by my head
Mais c'est le temps je crois
Pour notre au revoir