oie de noel

So there was a mini JET reunion for New Year’s in London that I decided to go to because it was tres chere to go back home for the holidays. Feeling sorry for me that I would spend Xmas alone, a friend of mine came early to London to spend Christmas with me. I arrived on the 22nd (Monday) and he would arrive on the 24th so the deal was for me to go to the grocery store and buy all the ingredients necessary for xmas dinner and he would do all the cooking.

I arrived on that Monday in the afternoon and immediately took a nap. That night my friend’s roommates had a cheese and wine party where I ate delicious baked camembert infused with rosemary and garlic (washed down with red wine and port), learned of “hamburger pizza” (youtube it – twas the brainchild of a guy that would later put on an elf costume for the night ), and pulled my first poppy yielding hilarious jokes like “What enters a house through the keyhole?” (Answer: key).

Twas a lovely time so as you can see I couldn’t go to the grocery store on Monday but I still had all of Tuesday so it was all good.

I woke up Tuesday around 10am with every intention of going to the grocery store (I even got directions from the roommates). But then I made a fatal flaw. I sat down and started watching t.v. And didn’t stop. For 16 hours. Straight.

Now before you judge me take into consideration the fact that I hadn’t watched t.v. in 3 months. That’s right, 3 MONTHS. Ever since arriving in France and knowing I’m only staying in my apartment for 9 months I’ve become quite the minimalist so there’s no t.v. in my room.

I had no idea how much I missed television until I started watching it again. It was sitcom after sitcom. Frasier, then the Simpsons, then a cooking show about Christmas logs, then Futurama, Friends, The Daily 10 on E, Scrubs, and before I knew it, it was 2am.

Had t.v. been a drug I would’ve O.D.ed. Seriously.

Justin arrived the next day and wasn’t exactly pleased that we had to go grocery shopping and even less pleased at the reason why. I had no idea what the big deal was until I arrived at the English Walmart (called Asda).

That place is a freaking procrastinator’s hell.

Carts ramming up your ass, checkout lines so long they’re going down the aisles, people miserable and scowling grabbing at slim pickings off almost empty shelves made empty by people who had the good sense to avoid grocery shopping on Christmas eve.

All this happening to the tunes of songs like “Have a holly jolly Christmas” and “It’s the most wonderful time of the year” playing on the speakers. I wanted to shot myself. Especially when I realized they were all out of turkey.

After having multiple conversations with people back home about the delicious turkeys they had for thanksgiving and my feeble attempt at thanksgiving dinner with a rotisserie chicken purchased at my local grocery store I was determined to have turkey for xmas. I even emailed my friends making sure there was an oven available at the apartment I would be staying at.

I spoke with the lady to see if they had any more turkeys in the back. She looked at me like the naive fool that I am and told me the last of the turkey went the night before.

The night before. I could’ve totally gotten it before then had it not been for stupid J.D. and his funny internal monologues about brown bear.

I almost cried had I not done this to myself.

I guess the lady saw how disappointed I was, took pity on me and directed me to another grocery store around the corner. She warned me they would probably be out as well.

Leaving Justin to stand in the ridiculously long line to purchase what could be a dinner of stuffing and mash potatoes sans turkey I headed out.

The lady was right, they didn’t have turkey at that grocery store. But they did have goose.

My first Christmas goose. J'étais satisfaisant.