guinness smuinness

So the night before Dave requested that he be able to sleep in till at least noon since he had the day off. I woke him up at 12:30 because 1. I’m American and like to get stuff done on vacation and 2. I was hungry and he had promised me a proper fry up for breakfast the night before (I didn’t give any allowances that it was a drunken promise – when it comes to food I don’t mess around.)

Like a champ he got up and came through on the promise of a traditional Irish fry up complete with black pudding (it’s the black stuff in the back).

Good stuff for being made of blood and pig guts.

Afterwards we headed into Dublin where we walked around for a bit. I could tell Dave has the affliction that most people who actually live in touristy places have, and that is lack of knowledge of said touristy area outside of nightlife. Finally we decided on the Guinness Factory. Dave had to stop by a local hostel to ask for directions. You may judge him. The British guy who gave us directions did.

Now people who know me well know I don’t like beer. And it’s not for lack of trying. Especially in Asia where beer is 30 cents and wine is 2 dollars. You do the math. Add to that the beer drinking culture (Hey everyone, let’s get a pitcher! – oh sorry Kelly why don’t you get a separate check) and it’s actually really annoying not to like beer. So I’m not a beer hater ; I just don’t pretend it tastes like anything other than ass.

So don’t think I am biased when I say that the Guinness Factory is kind of crap. That’s because what could be communicated in one floor they stretch to seven floors and then charge you 15 euros for it (11 of you’re student).

Let’s not kid ourselves people. Beer is beer. You brew it, money exchanges hands, and then we drink it. There’s not really much else to it. But not according to the people at Guinness. Oh no. Did you know for example that:

If you can’t read that it says “The story of transporting Guinness stout is the story of transportation itself.” You don’t say! Walk a few more steps into the “viewing room” and you see a video clip of a horse with a guy talking about how the horse was the first means of transporting Guinness stout. Really? Fascinating!

It was like this for six floors. Look! Paraphernalia with the word “Guinness” written on it! I have an ashtray just like that one only mine doesn’t have the word Guinness printed on it. Hand me my camera. And over there, it’s a record of speeches made at a Guinness fancy dinner in 1959! I have the 1952 speech but it’s not nearly as good. So glad I paid 15 Euros to see it in my lifetime (below is a picture in case you think I’m exaggerating).

And if by chance you haven’t reached yet your saturation point for all things Guinness you can sit at the media booth and watch Guinness commercials. I don’t know about Ireland but people in the states pay good money for technology to avoid commercials and here I was, spending money to watch them.

So as we ascended to the top floor to admire the view from the rooftop bar (which in all fairness was very nice) I was pretty disappointed to have paid 15 Euros to see a beer suffer from delusions of grandeur. We made our way to the bar to get our complimentary pints of Guinness or, in my shameful case, a coke.

As I watched Dave take a sip of his pint I asked him eagerly if it was the best Guinness he’s ever had.

"Meh, I’ve had better.”

I felt my heart break, just a little.